neighbors Jokes

I joined a neighborhood watch after our street had three package thefts in one week. At the first meeting, everyone chose a window to monitor, and I got the kitchen. I have now …

My neighbor installed a motion-activated light so bright, every time I take out the trash, his house looks like it is being interrogated. I waved at the camera to prove I was in…

My neighbor asked me to watch his house while he was away, so I spent three days in a lawn chair, taking notes on every suspicious cloud. He meant checking the mail, but now the…

My new neighbor introduced himself as a very private person, so I promised never to ask him anything personal. He immediately asked for my Wi-Fi password and explained that he p…

My neighbor installed a motion-sensor light because he wanted to feel safer at night. Now he walks past it slowly, waiting for it to recognize him. He says it is the only relati…

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him a detailed schedule and a tiny measuring cup. When I got home, every plant was perfectly healthy, but my n…

My neighbor installed a doorbell camera and said it made him feel safer. I asked whether it had caught any criminals. He said no, but it has captured enough footage of him carry…

My neighbor installed motion-sensor lights to scare away burglars. Now every time he takes out the trash, the whole driveway lights up, and he takes a bow like the burglars just…

My neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I could keep an eye on his house while he was away. I said I’d be happy to, so he handed me a chair and pointed it at the window.

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him a key and a detailed schedule. When I returned, every plant was thriving and my living room had been rearr…

My neighbor asked me to water his plants while he was away. He had labeled them dramatic, needy, and impossible, so I treated them like houseguests and gave each one a different…

My neighbor asked if I could watch his house while he was away. I agreed, then noticed he had installed three cameras pointed at my front door. He said he trusted me more than t…

I bought noise-canceling headphones because my upstairs neighbor practices tap dancing at midnight. I finally complained, and he apologized because he had no idea anyone could h…

My neighbor complained that I walk too loudly, so I bought a pair of soft slippers. Now he says I’m sneaking around his house. Apparently, he doesn’t want quiet; he wants the co…

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him a detailed schedule and left the spare key. When I came home, every plant was perfectly healthy, but the k…

I bought a smart doorbell after my neighbor complained that delivery drivers kept leaving packages at my house. Now it alerts me whenever someone approaches, waves, or looks mil…

My neighbor says his house is haunted because the lights turn on by themselves every night. I told him to stop blaming ghosts and start asking whoever it is to split the electri…

My neighbor knocked to ask if he could borrow my ladder for five minutes. I said sure, as long as he brought it back before my wife noticed I finally owned something useful. He …

My neighbor installed a smart doorbell that recognizes faces. Every time I visit, it announces, Unknown person approaching. Finally, technology has found a polite way to describ…

My new neighbor introduced himself by saying he likes to keep to himself. Then he spent twenty minutes explaining this through my open window.

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him a key and very simple instructions. When I came home, every plant was thriving, but my television was lock…

My new neighbor apologized for the noise coming from his apartment every morning. I told him it was fine, but asked what he was doing at 5 a.m. He said, Nothing much, just pract…

My neighbor complained that my dog was barking all night, so I apologized and promised to talk to him. The next morning, my neighbor knocked on the door and asked what I had sai…