The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

My new smart fridge sends me a notification every time I open the door: Are you sure you need a snack? I disabled it after the fridge started sending a second alert whenever I s…

I returned a vacuum because it kept losing suction. The clerk tested it and said it worked perfectly; it only loses interest when someone tries to leave. Finally, a vacuum with …

My daughter asked for an advance on her allowance to buy me a birthday present. When I said no, she sighed and told me that was exactly why I never get anything nice.

My smart fridge started sending notifications every time I opened the door. I turned them off, and now it just silently judges me like the rest of my family.

My neighbor installed a motion-activated floodlight to stop burglars. It turns on whenever anyone approaches his porch, including delivery drivers, squirrels, and him. Apparentl…

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner kept turning itself off. The representative asked whether anything unusual happened right before it stopped, so I said, Y…

My dentist asked whether I floss regularly. I said, Absolutely—every time I watch a documentary about dental health. He said that was not what he meant, but it was the most educ…

My neighbor said he values peace and quiet, so he installed a doorbell that sends a text instead of making a sound. Now every time I visit, his phone buzzes and he can ignore me…

On my first day, my manager said our team was like a family. By lunch, one coworker had asked me for money, another had shared a secret, and the boss was pretending not to know …

My neighbor installed a smart doorbell that recognizes faces, packages, and unusual activity. Last night it sent him an alert about me standing on his porch with a casserole. Th…

My family shares one streaming account, so we created a password nobody could forget. It was my mother’s birthday, followed by my father’s birthday, followed by the date the dog…

My smart fridge started ordering groceries by itself, so I checked its settings. It had learned our family’s habits and scheduled a weekly delivery of vegetables nobody eats. Ap…

At family dinner, my nephew announced that he was old enough to make his own decisions. His parents looked proud until he chose dessert before dinner. Then he explained that adu…

I joined a neighborhood watch because I wanted to meet people. At the first meeting, everyone introduced themselves by describing suspicious activity. I realized I had finally f…

My smart fridge started tracking everything I ate and sent me a notification saying my snack choices were concerning. I unplugged it, but five minutes later my phone buzzed with…

My neighbor installed a smart doorbell that announces every visitor. Yesterday it said, Please state your business, and the delivery driver froze on the porch for ten seconds. H…

I called customer service to complain that my new vacuum was too loud. The representative put me on hold, then came back and said, Great news—we’ve arranged a quieter apartment …

I called customer service because my vacuum cleaner stopped working, and the representative asked whether I had tried turning it off and on again. I said, It has been off for th…

I called the airline to ask if my emotional support plant could fly in the cabin. The agent said only service animals qualify, so I explained that the plant had supported me emo…

My new neighbor introduced himself as a minimalist and said he owned almost nothing. I visited his apartment and found one chair, one mug, and a very expensive telescope. He sai…

I called customer service because my smart fridge kept ordering groceries I never asked for. The agent told me to unplug it for ten minutes. I did, and now it is ordering extens…

My smart fridge started ordering groceries without asking me. I contacted support, and they said I should reset it to factory settings. I would, but the fridge has already chang…

My grocery store installed a self-checkout that congratulates you after every item. When I bought a single banana, it announced that I was making excellent progress. I have neve…