The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service to cancel a subscription, and after three menus and two security questions, a cheerful representative finally answered. I explained that I wanted to le…

I called customer support because my password kept being rejected. The agent suggested a stronger one, so I changed it to I hate my password and the website accepted it because …

My grandfather bought a smartwatch to monitor his health. On day two, it congratulated him for standing up, and he was thrilled until it added that his chair had been waiting fo…

My manager said the office was becoming more collaborative, so he removed all the doors. Now nobody can leave a meeting, which has really improved attendance.

I bought a smart fridge that tracks everything I eat and sends helpful health suggestions. After three days, it stopped recommending vegetables and started hiding the leftovers.…

My neighbor asked me to water his plants while he was away. He had labeled them dramatic, needy, and impossible, so I treated them like houseguests and gave each one a different…

I asked a grocery-store employee where they kept the healthy snacks. He led me to the produce aisle and whispered that they keep them there so nobody accidentally buys one. Then…

My neighbor asked if I could watch his house while he was away. I agreed, then noticed he had installed three cameras pointed at my front door. He said he trusted me more than t…

Our office installed a wellness scanner that tracks stress. It flagged the printer as critical, which is the first performance review I have seen it earn.

I bought a smart fridge that tracks expiration dates, calories, and everything I eat. This morning it sent me a notification saying, Please stop opening the door to see if your …

My nephew asked our smart speaker to play something relaxing. It started playing ocean waves, and he frowned at the ceiling. That is not relaxing, he said; that is the sound my …

My manager scheduled a meeting called Quick Chat, so I brought no notes and arrived emotionally unprepared. Forty-five minutes later, I had a new project, three deadlines, and a…

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I was opening it too often. I changed its settings to silent mode, and now it turns on the kitchen lights every time I walk past. A…

I bought a motivational water bottle that marks every sip as a personal achievement. By lunchtime, I had earned fourteen badges and still had not done anything worth celebrating…

I called customer service because my vacuum cleaner had stopped working. The representative asked whether I had tried turning it off and on, so I said it keeps bringing up the p…

I bought noise-canceling headphones because my upstairs neighbor practices tap dancing at midnight. I finally complained, and he apologized because he had no idea anyone could h…

My neighbor complained that I walk too loudly, so I bought a pair of soft slippers. Now he says I’m sneaking around his house. Apparently, he doesn’t want quiet; he wants the co…

On my first day at the office, my manager told me to think outside the box. I left my cubicle, stood in the hallway, and waited for inspiration. Human Resources called it trespa…

I called customer service to cancel a subscription, and the automated system asked why. I said, Because I never use it. It transferred me to a support agent who whispered, Same.

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him a detailed schedule and left the spare key. When I came home, every plant was perfectly healthy, but the k…

My phone asked me to set up emergency contacts, so I added my sister, my doctor, and the person who knows where I put my phone. It rejected the last one because apparently I’m n…

I returned a self-help book because it made me feel worse. The clerk asked what was wrong with it. I said it kept telling me to be myself, and I was hoping for a better option.

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner had stopped working. The agent asked whether I had tried turning it off and on, so I said that was also how I handled mos…