The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service because my internet kept cutting out. The representative put me on hold, and even the hold music froze every ten seconds. When she came back, she said …

I returned a blender because it kept making a terrible noise, and the employee asked whether I had tried turning it off. I said yes, but the noise continued. That is when we dis…

My smart doorbell recognizes familiar faces. Yesterday, it saw me on the porch, unlocked the door, and immediately called my mother. Apparently, it recognizes danger, too.

I called customer service because my smart fridge keeps sending me notifications that I’m running out of cheese. The agent asked whether I wanted to disable the alerts. I said n…

My boss asked me to lead a meeting about improving morale, so I brought snacks, games, and an inspirational speech. He watched for five minutes, then announced the good news: no…

My family bought a shared calendar to organize everyone’s schedules. Within a week, it had color-coded work, school, appointments, and one mysterious event marked simply: Do Not…

My neighbor knocked to ask if he could borrow my ladder for five minutes. I said sure, as long as he brought it back before my wife noticed I finally owned something useful. He …

I contacted customer support because my new vacuum kept turning itself off. The representative asked whether anything was blocking it, so I said, Not that I know of. She replied…

I tried to return a toaster because it kept burning my bread. The clerk inspected it carefully and asked whether I had considered using it for something less ambitious.

I installed smart lights that turn on whenever they sense movement. Now every time I get up at night, the hallway lights come on and announce my presence to the whole house. I d…

I called customer service because my new smart fridge kept judging my groceries. The representative asked whether I had tried turning it off and on again. I said yes, but now it…

I called tech support because my smart speaker had stopped listening to me. The technician asked me to say the wake word, and I did; nothing happened. He said it may have finall…

I downloaded a meditation app to reduce my screen time. It congratulated me for completing a five-minute breathing exercise, then sent me twelve notifications asking how I felt …

I asked a furniture salesperson for a chair that would really reflect my personality. She sold me one that squeaks every time I stand up. Now even my furniture thinks I am prete…

I called customer service to complain that my smart speaker had stopped listening to me. The representative walked me through every setting, then asked me to say something it co…

I bought a smart speaker to make my mornings more efficient. Now, whenever I ask it to set a timer, it reminds me that I have been waiting three years for my partner to change.

I called my internet provider because my connection kept dropping. After forty minutes on hold, the representative apologized and asked whether I wanted to upgrade. I said I wan…

I called a mattress company to complain that my new bed was too firm. The representative asked whether I had tried sleeping on it. I said yes, but it keeps waking me up to remin…

I returned a treadmill because it was too difficult to assemble. The customer-service clerk asked whether I had followed the instructions. I said yes, but they began with the wo…

I installed smart lights that turn on whenever they hear me come home. Now I spend every evening standing outside, whispering encouragement through the window. The neighbors thi…

I returned a blender because it was too loud. The customer-service clerk asked whether I had tried using the pulse setting. I said I was hoping it would learn volume control fro…

My neighbor installed a smart doorbell that recognizes faces. Every time I visit, it announces, Unknown person approaching. Finally, technology has found a polite way to describ…

I returned a blender because it kept stopping halfway through every smoothie. The cashier asked whether I had tried turning it off and on again. I said yes, but apparently that …