The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

During our office brainstorming session, my manager told us to think outside the box. I moved my chair into the hallway and started taking notes. Apparently, innovation is just …

I bought a smart speaker to keep my dog company while I’m at work. Now it plays his favorite music, reminds me when he wants dinner, and tells me when he needs a walk. I’m not w…

My dog learned to open the pantry, so I installed a childproof latch. The next morning, the latch was still on, the treats were gone, and my toddler was sitting beside the empty…

I called customer service because my internet kept dropping every ten minutes. The agent asked me to restart the router, then put me on hold while she checked my account. After …

My fitness app congratulated me for walking 10,000 steps yesterday. I checked the map and discovered I had spent twenty minutes looking for my phone while holding it. Finally, t…

I called customer service to report that my internet kept cutting out. The representative placed me on hold, and after twenty minutes came back to say, We are sorry, but we lost…

I contacted customer support because my new printer kept producing blank pages. The agent asked me to describe the problem, so I sent them a detailed report. They replied, Pleas…

I told my dentist I was nervous about getting a cavity filled. He said it would be painless, quick, and completely routine. Then he asked whether I wanted the good news or the b…

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I was running low on vegetables. I opened it to check, and it immediately ordered a salad. At last, a device that knows my eating h…

My phone tracks my sleep, steps, heart rate, and screen time. Yesterday it warned me that I spend too much time staring at it. I am waiting for it to develop the courage to call…

My grocery delivery arrived with one banana missing, so I contacted customer service. They refunded me seven cents and apologized for the emotional inconvenience. I said the mon…

I bought a smart doorbell after my neighbor complained that delivery drivers kept leaving packages at my house. Now it alerts me whenever someone approaches, waves, or looks mil…

I called customer service because my package was marked delivered, but it had vanished from my porch. The agent asked me to check everywhere, including the neighbors’ houses, so…

My neighbor says his house is haunted because the lights turn on by themselves every night. I told him to stop blaming ghosts and start asking whoever it is to split the electri…

At the grocery store, the self-checkout asked whether I needed assistance, so I pressed yes. A staff member arrived, looked at the screen, and pressed the same button I had pres…

My daughter asked why we keep emergency chocolate in the freezer. I told her it was reserved for serious situations. She nodded, opened the freezer, and said, This is serious: t…

I signed up for a pottery class because I wanted a relaxing hobby. The instructor told us to embrace imperfections, so I made a bowl with one side higher than the other. She cal…

I called customer service to complain that my smart speaker kept answering questions I had not asked. The agent said she could fix it, then put me on hold for ten minutes. When …

At the grocery store, the self-checkout machine asked if I wanted to donate a dollar to charity. I said no, and it immediately froze, as if even the machine had decided I was th…

I called customer service to report that my new vacuum was making a strange noise. The representative asked whether it was humming, rattling, or whining. I said I was not sure, …

I called customer service because my vacuum keeps stopping halfway across the room. The agent asked whether it was plugged in, and I said yes, but only emotionally. She transfer…

I called customer service because my new vacuum kept turning itself off. The representative asked whether it was plugged in, and I said of course, I am not an animal. She put me…

I returned a blender because it made a terrible noise and never actually blended anything. The cashier asked whether I had tried turning it on. I said yes, but apparently it was…