The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service because my new vacuum kept shutting off whenever I used it. The representative asked whether anything unusual happened right before it stopped. I said,…

My boss told me to think outside the box, so I moved my laptop into the hallway. I am not more creative, but everyone agrees my meetings have better circulation.

My smart thermostat kept changing the temperature by itself, so I called customer service. They said it was learning my preferences. By Friday, it had set the house to 62 degree…

My cat has started bringing me gifts from around the house, usually socks, hair ties, and once an entire sandwich wrapper. I praised her so enthusiastically that she now believe…

A woman returned a treadmill because she said it was not motivating her. The clerk tested it and confirmed that it worked perfectly. She nodded and said, I was hoping it would d…

I contacted customer support because my new smart speaker kept misunderstanding me. After twenty minutes of troubleshooting, the agent asked whether I had tried speaking more cl…

I called customer service because my new vacuum kept turning itself off. The representative asked whether it was plugged in, whether the outlet worked, and whether I had tried t…

I installed a smart doorbell that sends an alert whenever someone approaches my house. Now it notifies me every time I come home, as if it has already decided I am the most susp…

My new neighbor apologized for the noise coming from his apartment and promised to keep it down. I told him I had not heard anything, so he looked relieved and said, Great, then…

My new neighbor introduced himself by saying he was very private. The next morning, he knocked on my door to ask why I had bought oat milk, who it was for, and whether we were s…

At a smart-home demonstration, the presenter said the house could learn my habits. By the end of the tour, it had dimmed the lights, ordered groceries, and locked the front door…

My dentist told me I grind my teeth at night. I said that was impossible because I sleep alone. He said, I know; your teeth filed a noise complaint.

I tried to return a self-help book because it had failed to improve my life. The clerk asked whether I had followed the instructions. I said yes, but every page told me to take …

My dad bought a smart speaker to make the house more modern. After three days, he unplugged it because it kept answering questions nobody had asked. Then he realized he had rais…

At the airport, my suitcase was selected for a random inspection. The agent opened it, found three identical outfits, and asked if I was traveling for work. I said no, I just wa…

At the supermarket, I watched a man scan his own groceries with the confidence of a trained professional. When the machine asked him to place the item in the bagging area, he lo…

My neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I could keep the noise down because her baby was sleeping. I apologized and promised to be quieter. Then she handed me a drill and wh…

I called customer service to cancel a subscription and spent 40 minutes explaining why I no longer wanted it. The agent said she understood completely and transferred me to the …

Our office installed a wellness app that reminds us to breathe, stretch, and take breaks. It sent my manager a report showing I had ignored every reminder. I finally got a perfo…

I installed a smart lock because I wanted better home security. Now it refuses to let me in until I admit I am the problem.

I joined a pottery class, and the instructor told us to let the clay speak through our hands. Mine formed a tiny bowl and asked why I keep starting hobbies instead of getting he…

I bought a self-help book from a bookstore and returned it the next day. The clerk asked what was wrong with it. It kept telling me to change, but never once offered to help wit…

My phone installed an update overnight and asked whether I wanted to improve my experience. I tapped yes, and now every time I open an app, it makes me solve a tiny puzzle first…