The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

My neighbor installed a doorbell camera and now narrates every package delivery like a nature documentary. Yesterday I came home carrying groceries, and he whispered, Observe th…

I installed a doorbell camera to find out who kept stealing my packages. It identified the culprit in one day and sent me a notification: Me, three weeks ago, ordering more pack…

I called tech support because my new printer refused to print. The agent asked whether it was connected to my computer, and I said yes, emotionally, but we had been drifting apa…

I called customer service to cancel a subscription because I never used it. The representative spent twenty minutes showing me all its features, and I renewed it because apparen…

My phone now reminds me to stand up every hour. I ignored it for three days, so it escalated to a calendar invite titled Please become a person.

My delivery app said my order was delayed because the driver was experiencing an unexpected event. I watched him sit outside my building for twenty minutes. Apparently, the unex…

My sister created a shared family calendar so nobody would forget birthdays, dentist appointments, or weekend plans. Dad immediately added a recurring event called Do Not Schedu…

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner kept turning itself off. The operator asked whether I had tried switching it back on, so I said yes. She replied, Perfect…

I returned a toaster because it kept burning my bread, and the clerk asked whether I had tried using a lower setting. I said yes, but apparently the toaster had already decided …

I called customer service to cancel a subscription because I never used it. After forty minutes on hold, they offered me a premium plan that costs more and includes the privileg…

My family changed the Wi-Fi password to something only we would know. I tried our address, birthdays, and the dog’s name, but nothing worked. Then my mother gave me the password…

My family started a group chat to plan a surprise party for me. Someone accidentally added me, and I tried to leave without ruining the surprise. They kept asking questions unti…

I returned a self-help book because it wasn’t helping me. The cashier asked what was wrong with it, so I said, “It keeps telling me to take responsibility for my decisions.” She…

I called customer service because my new alarm clock was too aggressive. The representative asked if I wanted a softer setting. I said yes, and they transferred me to the depart…

I called my internet provider because my connection kept dropping every evening. The receptionist asked whether I had tried turning the router off and on, so I said I had, and i…

I called customer service because my internet kept cutting out, and the automated voice promised to solve my problem in three easy steps. After forty minutes of menus, transfers…

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I had not opened the vegetable drawer in eleven days. I told it I had been busy, and it replied, So are the vegetables.

I bought a smart alarm clock that learns my sleep habits. After three nights, it stopped ringing and started calling my mother.

I returned a fitness tracker because it kept judging me. The clerk asked what it said. Nothing—the screen just displayed my daily step count, which was apparently the most hones…

I called customer service to cancel a subscription I had forgotten about. The agent asked what had changed, so I said, My financial situation. She put me on hold and came back w…

I bought a smart speaker that promised to learn my preferences. After one week, it started playing calming music whenever I opened my banking app. Apparently, it had learned tha…

I bought my cat an expensive automatic feeder that promises portion control and healthier eating. It dispenses food only after recognizing her face. She now spends the afternoon…

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I had opened the door six times without taking anything. I told it I was just thinking. The next morning, it had installed a tiny o…