The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

My neighbor installed a smart doorbell that recognizes every visitor. Yesterday, it announced that he was home, and he beamed with pride. Then it added that he still owed the pi…

My refrigerator has a vacation mode, so I turned it on before a long weekend. Now it keeps sending me pictures of beaches while I eat leftovers.

I emailed customer service to report that their new app had made my life too convenient. They apologized and immediately sent me a 14-step form to explain the problem.

I called customer service because my new toaster burned every slice of bread. The representative put me on hold, came back, and asked whether I had tried using less bread. I had…

I called customer service because my new alarm clock was too judgmental. The representative asked whether I had tried turning it down. I told her the volume was fine—it was the …

I called customer service because my smart fridge kept warning me that I was running low on snacks. The agent told me to unplug it for thirty seconds and plug it back in. When i…

My smart fridge started tracking everything I ate and proudly announced it could predict my next meal. Three days later, it suggested I try being a houseplant.

I bought a smart speaker to make my mornings more efficient. It now turns on the lights, starts the coffee, and announces every task I have ignored. I miss my old alarm clock; i…

My daughter installed a budgeting app on my phone and linked it to my bank account. Every time I buy coffee, it sends a notification asking whether this is a need or a want. I a…

I called customer service because my new alarm clock kept going off five minutes early. The agent said it was not a defect but an advanced feature that gives me time to prepare …

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I had been standing in front of it for five minutes. I told it I was just thinking about dinner. It replied, You have been saying t…

My dad started using a fitness app that congratulated him after his first workout. It then asked whether he wanted to share the achievement with his emergency contacts. Apparent…

I returned a toaster because it kept burning my bread, and the clerk asked whether I had tried using a lower setting. I said yes, but apparently setting three means lightly toas…

I returned a kitchen timer because it kept going off before dinner was ready. The clerk asked whether I had tried setting it for a longer time. I said yes, but then it started j…

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner kept turning itself off. The representative asked whether I had tried unplugging it and plugging it back in, so I said ye…

My boss asked me to explain why I missed the deadline, so I made a presentation titled Accountability. It had 42 slides, three charts, and a conclusion I promised to send tomorr…

I called customer service because my new vacuum kept turning itself off. The representative asked whether anything unusual happened just before it stopped, so I said, I started …

My smart doorbell sent me an alert saying Person Detected, so I stepped outside to investigate. I stood there for ten minutes, waiting to see who it had spotted. Then it sent an…

My grandfather bought a fitness watch that congratulates him whenever he stands up. He says it has transformed his health, but yesterday it praised him for walking to the kitche…

During my first week at a new office, I asked where the printer was. A coworker pointed down the hall and said, Follow the sound of people whispering apologies. I found it immed…

I returned noise-canceling headphones because they were too quiet. The cashier tested them and said they were working perfectly. I told her that was exactly the problem: I bough…

My new fitness app asked me to set a realistic goal, so I typed lose ten pounds. It replied, Great, let’s start with the phone you’re holding.

I returned a ladder because the package promised it would help me reach my goals. The clerk asked what went wrong, so I told him it got me higher, but my responsibilities were s…