The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

Our manager introduced a silent meeting to improve productivity. Everyone sat in complete silence for an hour, taking notes and nodding thoughtfully. It was the first meeting wh…

My dentist asked whether I flossed every day. I told him only on days when I had an appointment, because I like to make a good first impression. He said my gums were the only pa…

I called customer service because my new smart speaker kept misunderstanding me. After ten minutes of troubleshooting, the representative asked me to speak more clearly. I said …

I called tech support because my internet kept dropping. The agent asked me to hold, so I put the phone down and waited beside the router. By the time he came back, I had made m…

Our manager launched a wellness program and gave everyone a stress ball. I squeezed mine during a meeting, and it exploded foam across the conference table. Management declared …

I called customer service because my new vacuum was making a strange whining noise. The agent asked whether it was plugged in, and I said yes. She sighed and said, Then it is al…

I called tech support because my printer was making a strange noise. The technician asked me to describe it, so I said, It sounds like it knows I only need one page and is perso…

My neighbor installed a doorbell camera because packages kept disappearing. The footage showed me taking them, apparently while sleepwalking, but only toward things I had ordere…

My daughter asked why we keep old birthday cards, so I told her they preserve family memories. She opened one from Grandma and found twenty dollars inside. I told her it was no …

I bought a self-help book from a discount store and tried to return it the next day. The cashier asked why, so I said it made me realize I should stop making bad decisions. She …

I asked a store clerk where they kept the self-help books, and he walked me to the aisle. Then he left me there to figure out the rest.

I called customer service because my smart speaker had started answering questions before I asked them. The agent asked whether I had tried unplugging it, and I said no. The spe…

My neighbor installed a motion-activated light to scare away burglars. Now every time he takes out the trash, his house goes into witness protection.

I returned a blender because it kept making a terrible noise. The clerk asked whether I had tried turning it off and on again. I said yes, but it just made the same smoothie wit…

I joined a pottery class to relax. The instructor told us to let the clay guide us, so I made a bowl and spent the rest of the lesson apologizing to it for my lack of direction.

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner kept shutting off whenever I used it. The representative asked me to check whether the power cord was plugged in. I said …

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I had not opened the vegetable drawer in eleven days. I opened it immediately, hoping to prove the machine wrong. It suggested I bu…

I called customer service because my smart speaker kept ordering things I never asked for. The representative said I should change its settings. I did, and now it orders things …

I returned a smart speaker because it kept interrupting my thoughts. The clerk plugged it in and asked whether it was still doing that. It said, No, but I can tell you’re about …

My daughter asked why adults always say time flies. I explained that life gets busier, days blur together, and suddenly your child is taller than you. Then she asked if time fli…

I contacted customer support because my new smart speaker kept misunderstanding me. The agent asked me to describe the problem, so I said it was a little hard of hearing. She re…

I tried returning a self-help book because it was not helping me, and the clerk asked what was wrong with it. I told her it keeps telling me to be more decisive, so I have been …

I tried meal-prepping to save money, so I cooked seven identical lunches on Sunday. By Wednesday, my leftovers had formed a union and demanded variety.