The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

A woman called customer service to report that her smart speaker had started judging her. The representative asked what it had said. Mostly reminders about my bedtime, but I kne…

My smart fridge started sending health notifications every time I opened the door. Yesterday it warned me that I had been emotionally eating for six minutes. I unplugged it, and…

I bought a smart mirror that tracks my sleep, stress, and facial expressions. This morning it analyzed my face for ten seconds, then asked if I wanted to see the weather or just…

My boss asked me to stop saying I have too much on my plate. So I changed it to I am experiencing a resource-allocation imbalance. Now I have too much on my plate and a meeting …

I tried to return a treadmill after two weeks because it had clearly failed to improve my life. The store clerk asked whether I had used it. I said, Of course not—I was waiting …

I returned a blender because it made a terrible noise and never actually blended anything. The clerk asked if I had tried turning it on. I said, Of course—I wanted to make sure …

Our neighbor installed a doorbell camera to catch whoever kept stealing his packages. Now he spends every evening watching himself come home, trying to figure out if he looks su…

A man returned a self-help book because it had not improved his life. The clerk asked what was wrong with it. He said it kept telling him to take responsibility, so now apparent…

I bought a smart speaker for the kitchen and gave it a calm voice so it would feel relaxing. Now every time I burn dinner, it quietly says, I remember when you had goals.

My boss said I was being promoted because I had become indispensable. I was touched until I realized he meant nobody else knew how to use the office printer.

My smart fridge started sending me notifications about my diet, so I unplugged it. Now it just sits there silently judging me, which is exactly how my old fridge behaved.

At my first pottery class, the instructor told us to make something that reflected our inner selves. I made a bowl with a crack down the middle. The instructor called it emotion…

I called customer service because my new smart speaker kept misunderstanding me. After twenty minutes of troubleshooting, the agent asked me to repeat the problem slowly. I said…

My neighbor complained that my house was too quiet and asked me to be more considerate. So I started vacuuming at six in the morning, just to give the silence something to worry…

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner kept turning itself off. The representative asked if I had tried plugging it in, and I said yes. She replied, Great, now …

I called customer service because my internet kept cutting out. The agent put me on hold, came back, and said they could fix it immediately by disconnecting me permanently.

I bought a self-help planner and asked the cashier about the return policy. She said I had thirty days to change my life, so I asked what happened if I changed my mind. She said…

I returned a toaster because it kept burning my bread, and the clerk asked whether I had tried using a lower setting. I said yes, but then it only burned the bread emotionally.

My smart watch keeps telling me to stand up, breathe, and close my rings. I bought a watch, not a tiny supervisor with a wellness degree.

I called customer service because my new alarm clock kept going off at random times. The representative asked me to describe the problem, so I explained that it seemed to have a…

My neighbor asked if I could move my fence six inches because it was blocking his view. I agreed, but only after he promised to move his entire house six inches in the other dir…

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner had stopped working. The representative asked me to check whether it was plugged in, so I did—and discovered I had been v…

My fitness app congratulated me on completing a 30-day walking challenge. I explained that I had only been pacing during customer-service hold music. It replied, Great job—your …