The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service to cancel a subscription I had forgotten about. After forty minutes, three transfers, and a survey asking how likely I was to recommend them, the agent…

I gave my neighbor a spare key so he could feed my cat while I was away. When I returned, the cat was calm, the house was spotless, and my neighbor had reorganized my kitchen by…

My smart thermostat learned my routine and started changing the temperature before I got home. I complained that it was making decisions without me. Now it only turns on when I …

Our office installed a wellness app that measures stress by listening to your voice. I tested it by calmly saying I was perfectly fine, and it immediately scheduled a meeting wi…

At the hardware store, I asked for a lock that could stop my family from opening the fridge at midnight. The employee led me straight to the safes. I asked for something cheaper…

My son asked why we keep old takeout menus in a drawer. I told him they were emergency plans, and he asked if the emergency was hunger. I said no, it was when his mother asked w…

During our office fire drill, the manager stopped everyone in the hallway to discuss whether evacuation was aligned with our quarterly goals. Twenty minutes later, we had a five…

I returned a treadmill because it was too difficult to assemble. The store asked whether I had followed the instructions. I said yes—I put it in the living room and waited for m…

My new smart fridge sent me a notification that I was running low on vegetables. I unplugged it immediately—nothing in my kitchen is allowed to develop opinions before I do.

Our toaster has started burning only my slice of bread. I blamed the settings until my daughter pointed out that it browns everyone else’s perfectly. Apparently, the toaster has…

I called customer service because my new smart toaster kept burning my breakfast. After twenty minutes of troubleshooting, the agent asked whether I had tried putting bread in i…

I tried returning a treadmill because it kept taking me nowhere. The clerk said that was exactly what it was designed to do. I told him the box promised a life-changing journey,…

My smart refrigerator sent me a notification saying I was running low on vegetables. I opened the door and found it had ordered a motivational poster instead. Apparently even my…

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I was running low on vegetables. I unplugged it, but it still found a way to judge me through the grocery app. Apparently, even my …

My new smart refrigerator tracks everything I eat and sends me daily health advice. After a week, it stopped recommending vegetables and started suggesting restaurants. Apparent…

My daughter asked why our family never uses the fancy plates, and I told her they were reserved for special occasions. She said, So when are we inviting people who cannot see th…

I called customer service because my smart doorbell kept announcing that someone was at the door. After three days, I realized it was not malfunctioning—it was just the only mem…

My smart fridge started ordering groceries without asking, so I called customer service. The representative said it was probably learning my habits. I canceled the service, and …

I returned a treadmill because it was making a strange noise, and the clerk asked whether it happened while I was using it. I said no, mostly while I was looking at it. He refun…

I called customer service because my new smart toaster stopped working. The agent asked me to describe the problem, so I said it had become less of a toaster and more of a judgm…

I returned a blender because it was too loud, and the cashier asked whether I had tried using the quiet setting. I said I had, but it kept whispering that I was making poor life…

My daughter asked why all our family photos are blurry. I told her it was because everyone kept moving. She said, No, it’s because you take them with your eyes closed.

A waiter asked if I wanted to hear the specials. I said I was trying to eat healthier, so he described the salad in detail and the steak in one sentence. I ordered the salad, be…