The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner had stopped working. The representative asked me to check whether it was plugged in, so I did—and discovered I had been v…

My fitness app congratulated me on completing a 30-day walking challenge. I explained that I had only been pacing during customer-service hold music. It replied, Great job—your …

At the self-checkout, the machine announced that an employee was coming to help, so I waited patiently. Ten minutes later, it apologized and asked me to rate the employee’s perf…

I called customer service because my phone kept dropping calls. After forty minutes on hold, the representative apologized and said they were having trouble hearing me. I told h…

My boss told me to think outside the box, so I moved my desk into the hallway. Now HR calls me innovative, but facilities calls me a fire hazard.

I returned my robot vacuum because it kept getting stuck under the sofa. The clerk tested it, watched it make one slow lap around the counter, and said, Perfect, it has already …

My dad bought a smartwatch to monitor his health, but he returned it after one day. It kept sending cheerful reminders to stand up, breathe, and drink water. He said he didn’t n…

My smart fridge sent me a notification because I had not opened it in three hours. I ignored it, so it ordered groceries on my behalf. Apparently it knows I am out of milk, but …

I returned a blender because it kept making a terrible noise. The customer service agent asked whether I had tried turning it off and on again. I said yes, and now it screams in…

I returned a candle because it smelled nothing like the ocean promised on the label. The clerk asked whether I had kept the receipt, and I said yes—along with the disappointment…

My smart fridge started sending me health advice every time I opened the door. Yesterday it flashed, Eat something green, so I took out the lettuce and gave it a better view.

My new alarm clock keeps waking me up five minutes before it is supposed to. Customer service said that is a feature, not a fault. Apparently it gives me time to regret having a…

I called customer service to report that my smart speaker had started ignoring me. The representative asked whether I had tried turning it off and on again, so I explained that …

My family finally created a shared password for the Wi-Fi, and Dad insisted it be something everyone could remember. He chose our street address, birth years, and the phrase do …

My fitness tracker celebrated because I stood up twelve times today. I felt proud until I realized it counted every trip to the window to see whether the delivery driver had arr…

I joined a cooking class where the instructor said the secret was to trust my instincts. My instincts told me to order takeout, and for once, the entire class agreed.

My neighbor installed a motion-activated light because he was tired of strangers sneaking up on him. Now every time he takes out the trash, his house turns on the spotlight like…

I took my dog to a therapist because he keeps chasing his own tail. The therapist asked how long it had been happening. I said, Since he was a puppy—but honestly, he seems very …

My smart speaker started playing soothing music every time I opened the fridge. I thought it sensed my stress, but it was actually holding a tiny financial funeral.

My smart fridge sent me a notification saying I had been standing in front of it for three minutes without making a decision. I opened the door to prove it wrong. It recommended…

I called customer service to complain that my alarm clock was too judgmental. It wakes me at 6 a.m., then spends the rest of the day reminding me I wasted the morning. They offe…

My manager said he wanted employees who could multitask. I told him I could ignore emails while pretending to listen in meetings. He promoted me to management, where that is app…

My neighbor installed motion-activated lights that turn on every time I walk past his house. I asked why he made his driveway so dramatic. He said they are not security lights; …