The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

My coworker color-codes every meeting on her calendar, then proudly showed me the system. I asked what the bright red section meant. She said, My calendar is warning me that I w…

I bought a smart thermostat that learns my habits. After three days, it stopped changing the temperature and started dimming the lights whenever I opened the fridge. Apparently,…

My smart speaker started giving me relationship advice. I unplugged it, and suddenly I was in the healthiest relationship I had experienced all year.

Our manager asked everyone to stay calm during the office emergency. Then he started running around shouting, Where is the person who knows how to stay calm?

My neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I had seen his cat. I said no, so he thanked me and walked away. Apparently he was checking whether the cat had already told me where…

I returned a smart speaker because it kept answering questions I had not asked. The customer-service agent said that sounded like a privacy issue and offered to replace it immed…

I called customer service to complain that their hold music was making me anxious. After forty minutes, an agent finally answered and said they could help, but first I needed to…

My family started a group chat to coordinate a surprise birthday party for my dad. He was added by mistake, replied with the guest list, the menu, and a reminder to act surprise…

My fitness watch congratulated me for standing up. I told it I was only reaching for the remote, but it immediately enrolled me in a twelve-week program called Couch to Cushion.

I called my internet provider to report that my connection kept dropping. The agent put me on hold, and suddenly it became the most stable relationship I’ve had all week.

My new fridge connects to the internet and tracks everything I eat. Yesterday it sent me a notification saying my snacks were affecting my health. I unplugged it immediately—app…

My manager sent a calendar invite titled Quick Chat, so I prepared three slides, a backup plan, and a brief statement for my family. The meeting lasted four minutes. Apparently,…

I called customer service to return a blender because it kept screaming whenever I turned it on. The representative asked whether I had checked the manual, so I said yes, but it…

My neighbor says his new motion-sensor lights are improving security. I tested them by sneaking past his driveway, and they came on immediately. Apparently, his house is safest …

My cat learned to open doors, so I installed a childproof lock. Now she spends all night staring at it like she has finally found a worthy opponent.

I called customer service because my new vacuum kept turning off whenever I started using it. The representative asked whether it was plugged in, and I said yes, but only emotio…

My dentist told me I need to floss more, so I bought an expensive water flosser. It has twelve settings, a rechargeable battery, and an app that tracks my progress. I have never…

At the self-checkout, the machine asked me to place the item in the bagging area, even though I had already done that. After five minutes of arguing, it summoned an employee, wh…

My smart fridge started sending me notifications whenever I opened the door. At first it was helpful, until it asked whether I was actually hungry or just checking if my life ha…

My neighbor claims he can identify every bird by its call. He stood in my garden, listened carefully, and named three species before his wife shouted from the window. He said th…

My manager sent a meeting invite marked optional, so I declined it and enjoyed a peaceful hour. Then she asked why I missed the meeting. I said I thought optional meant I was be…

At a hotel, I called the front desk to complain that my room had no view. The clerk apologized and asked me to step outside. That was the hotel’s entire customer-service philoso…

I returned a blender because it kept making a terrible noise. The store clerk asked whether I had tried turning it off. I said yes, but then it started making the noise in my dr…