The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service to ask for a refund on a self-help book that had failed me. The agent asked whether I had followed the instructions. I said yes, but the book kept tell…

I tried to return a blender because it made too much noise. The cashier asked whether I had the receipt, and I said no, but it had already mixed itself into my monthly budget.

I called customer support because my alarm clock kept going off at six every morning. The agent asked whether I had tried changing the time. I said yes, but then it started feel…

My neighbor installed a smart doorbell that announces who is outside. Yesterday, after watching me stand there for ten minutes, it told me to leave a message after the tone.

My family decided to save money by cooking at home. We made a grocery list, compared prices, and bought only the essentials. Then we spent forty dollars on takeout because nobod…

I called customer service because my new calendar app kept deleting my appointments. The agent asked when I would be available for a troubleshooting call. I said I had no idea—t…

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him detailed instructions and a key. When I got back, every plant was thriving, but my watering can was missin…

My neighborhood app warned me that a suspicious person had been seen near my house. I checked the photo and realized it was me carrying groceries, looking like I had just escape…

I returned a blender because it was too loud and asked the store clerk for something quieter. She handed me a book and said, It makes exactly the same amount of noise, but at le…

My neighbor installed a doorbell camera because packages kept disappearing. After a week, he called the company to report that it had recorded nothing suspicious. The support ag…

A customer called tech support because his new printer kept saying it was out of paper. The technician asked him to check the tray, and he said it was full. The technician repli…

At the grocery store, the self-checkout asked me to place my unexpected item in the bagging area. I told it I was the unexpected item, because I had come in for milk and somehow…

I called customer service to cancel a subscription I had forgotten about. The representative asked why I was leaving, so I said I was tired of paying for something I never used.…

I returned a blender because it was too loud, and the customer-service clerk asked whether I had tried using it on a lower setting. I said yes, but the fruit still screamed.

I called customer service because my smart fridge kept ordering groceries I never needed. The representative asked whether I had enabled predictive shopping, and I said yes. She…

I returned a pair of headphones because they were advertised as noise-canceling, but I could still hear my own thoughts. The cashier apologized and offered me a refund. I said n…

I called customer service because my vacuum was making a strange noise. The agent asked me to describe it, so I said it sounded like a tiny helicopter trapped in a biscuit tin. …

My neighbor bought a doorbell camera because he wanted to know who kept stealing his packages. After a week, he discovered the thief was him, bringing the packages inside and im…

I returned a blender because it had only one speed: terrifying. The clerk tested it, watched a banana hit the ceiling, and approved the refund immediately. Apparently, the blend…

My banking app asked me to rate my financial health from one to ten. I selected ten, because optimism is the only investment I can still afford.

At my new office, everyone holds the elevator for each other, even when they are already inside. I finally asked why, and my coworker said it is the only team-building exercise …

I returned a blender because it was too loud and asked the cashier for something quieter. She handed me a toaster and said, This one only screams when it is happy.

I called customer service to complain that my new alarm clock was too quiet. The representative asked me to describe the problem. I said, It is difficult to explain because I ke…