The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service because my new alarm clock kept going off five minutes early. The representative said that was not a defect—it was the clock trying to build a relation…

I called customer service to report that my internet kept dropping every ten minutes. The representative put me on hold, and after twenty minutes I got disconnected. I assume th…

I bought a smart doorbell that recognizes everyone who visits, so I trained it to identify my family. Now whenever I come home, it sends me a notification saying, You again? Eve…

My parents asked me to set up a family password, so I chose something everyone could remember. They rejected our Wi-Fi password because apparently nobody remembers it, including…

I called customer service because my new vacuum cleaner kept making a strange noise. The representative asked me to describe it, so I said it sounded like a tiny engine giving u…

At the airport, my suitcase was two pounds overweight, so I opened it and put on three shirts. The airline employee said that solved the problem. Apparently the luggage was too …

I gave my smart speaker a chore list, and it completed none of it—but now it reminds me every morning that I’m falling behind. I didn’t buy a home assistant; I bought a tiny roo…

My neighbor installed a doorbell camera and now waves at every delivery driver. Yesterday, he waved at a man carrying a ladder and invited him in for coffee. It turns out the ca…

I called customer service to complain that my internet kept dropping. The agent put me on hold, and the music was so soothing I forgot what I was angry about. When she came back…

I bought a smart refrigerator that sends alerts when food is about to expire. Yesterday it warned me about a container in the back, so I opened it wearing gloves. The fridge imm…

My neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I could keep an eye on his house while he was away. I said sure, so he handed me a spare key and a list of emergency contacts. He ret…

I returned a blender because it only worked when I was in a good mood. The cashier asked whether it was defective. I said no, it is just the first appliance I have owned that se…

I returned a self-help book because it wasn’t helping me. The cashier asked whether I wanted store credit, so I said I was trying to break this cycle of dependency. She gave me …

I returned a self-help book because it wasn’t working. The cashier asked what was wrong with it. I told her it kept telling me to take control of my life, so I brought it back b…

My neighbor installed a doorbell camera and now narrates every delivery like a wildlife documentary. Yesterday he whispered that the rare pizza had arrived, moving cautiously to…

I called customer service because my new vacuum kept turning itself on at midnight. The representative asked whether I had tried unplugging it, so I said yes, but it keeps findi…

I returned a blender because it made a terrible noise. The clerk asked whether it worked, and I said it worked perfectly—it just sounded like it had opinions. She approved the r…

I returned a shirt because it was too small, and the cashier asked if I had tried washing it first. I said no, but I had tried holding my breath, standing up straighter, and bla…

My new neighbor apologized for the noise coming from his apartment every morning. I told him it was fine, but asked what he was doing at six o'clock. He said, Training his parro…

I called my internet provider because my connection kept dropping. The representative said they could fix it immediately if I answered a security question. They asked for my fav…

I bought a standing desk to improve my productivity. For three days, I answered emails with the confidence of a CEO. Then I realized it was just an expensive way to pace while a…

I returned a blender because it made a terrible noise and left smoothies everywhere. The cashier asked whether I had tried using the lid. I said yes, but it kept escaping throug…

My boss told me to be more proactive, so I scheduled a meeting to discuss how much I dislike being told what to do. It went so well that I’ve been promoted to someone else’s pro…