The Internet's Sharpest Humor Archive.

I called customer service because my smart speaker kept misunderstanding me. After ten minutes of troubleshooting, the agent asked me to repeat the problem slowly. So I said it …

My smart doorbell sent an alert saying someone was at the front door. I checked the camera and saw nobody, so I asked the app for a description. It replied: Probably you, judgin…

I called customer service because my new phone kept freezing whenever I opened the weather app. After forty minutes on hold, the representative said they could fix it immediatel…

I installed a productivity app that blocks distractions. It asked me to list my biggest distraction, so I typed this app. It locked me out for being dangerously self-aware.

I returned a blender because it kept making smoothies with the confidence of a motivational speaker. The clerk asked whether it was defective, and I said it only has one setting…

My son asked why I run the dishwasher at night. I told him it’s quieter then, so nobody has to hear me argue with it about whether a plate is clean. Apparently, he has been tell…

At work, our new wellness app congratulated me for taking 8,000 steps before lunch. I was thrilled until it clarified that most of them happened while I was avoiding one email. …

Our office installed a wellness room with plants, soft lighting, and a sign saying Please relax. I went in for five minutes and came out with three emails marked urgent. Apparen…

I bought a planner to organize my life. It had pages for goals, habits, and appointments. I used it to schedule a time to feel guilty about not using the planner.

My boss proudly announced that our office had an open-door policy. I asked if that meant I could come in whenever I needed help, and he said absolutely. Then he locked his door …

I bought a smart doorbell that recognizes faces. It alerted me that my neighbor was at the door, then asked whether I wanted to let him in. I said no, and now it sends me a dail…

My neighbor offered to water my plants while I was away, so I gave him a key and a detailed schedule. When I got back, every plant was thriving, the windows were spotless, and m…

The cashier asked if I wanted to join the store’s loyalty program. I said I already had one: I come here every week, spend too much, and still feel betrayed by the avocados. She…

My smart fridge started sending me reminders to eat healthier, so I unplugged it. Now it just sits in the kitchen silently judging me, like every other appliance in my house.

I bought a smart speaker and spent an hour teaching it my name, favorite music, and emergency contact. The next morning, it ordered six bags of dog food. I do not own a dog, but…

I called customer service to cancel my subscription and got placed on hold for forty minutes. The music was so calming that I forgot what I was angry about. By the time an agent…

I called customer service because my new alarm clock kept waking me up before it rang. The agent asked me to describe the problem, so I said, It has a strong sense of anticipati…

At the electronics store, I asked whether the new smart fridge could recognize my voice. The salesman said yes, so I whispered that I was definitely not eating cake at midnight.…

I called customer service because my package had been delivered to the wrong apartment. The agent asked me to describe the neighbor who signed for it, so I explained that he was…

I bought a jacket with a lifetime warranty, so I took it back when the zipper broke. The clerk asked whose lifetime the warranty covered, mine or the jacket’s. I left before he …

My neighbor complained that my new doorbell was too loud. I told him it only rings when someone presses it. He said, Exactly—I’m trying to teach my family boundaries, not summon…

I returned a blender because it made a terrible noise and never actually blended anything. The employee tested it, listened carefully, and said it was working perfectly. Apparen…

My neighbor installed a motion-activated porch light to scare away burglars. Now it turns on every time he approaches, so he spends each evening being startled by his own financ…